A few days ago, I finished Richard Reeves’ very good book, Of Boys and Men. It’s a compelling account of how far boys are falling behind girls in school, how unstable many men feel as women now compete with them in the workforce, and how, specifically, black men are facing uniquely troubling barriers to success. Reeves thinks the left should care about the plight of boys and men, and advance specific policies that help address the malaise that has befallen many American males.
I truly wish we had more US Senators like you. Thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful comments. There's a lot to digest in your piece; however, the biggest take away for me is: "We need look no further than Charlottesville, January 6th, the prevalence of violence against women, and the rising threat of domestic extremism to see the potential consequences of allowing this resentment to fester." In conversations with friends over the years about women moving forward in our society we also touched briefly on the consequences to men, but you really brought the latter forward and shone light on it. We could never have predicted these consequences. Personally, I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment about loneliness and the need for community to nurture and further one's sense of identity -- and that agreement is based on my own experience/journey. And we need multiple communities -- not just one. I belong to two 12 step groups and have still found the need to seek other communities b/c 1 community cannot fill all my needs. Hope that makes sense. One other thought: I think we need (and I don't know how this happens) to be taught how to be a part of a community -- and in a healthy way. I'm not convinced that we all know how to do that -- or perhaps some have forgotten after immersion into the false sense of community that social media offers; or forgotten for other reasons; or have never really known how. Those of us who grew up with addiction only knew a fractured and dismembered model of community. Thank you so much to you and your wife for raising such a wise young man; and thank you for all you do in the Senate; in your communities; and for all Americans. I appreciate you to the very fullest.
Wise words🙏Some of this truly started with Facebook targeting men with Cambridge Analytica. They brainwashed people especially men. They started to plant fake news and it worked. I have much of it. I saw it coming.
Then they used Fox News to drive the wedge home.
Literally, before our eyes, news articles that were absolutely nothing, were altered to make it look like minorities were undermining everyone.
The one that comes to mind was: "Muslims at Starbucks Serve Feeces" in England.
Endulge me...you will see how stealth this actually is.
With very little research, it was in England. And it was some workers that happened to be Muslim. No one was served feeces. A water main pipe broke in London and a small amount of water was contaminated. None of it was at Starbucks.
But they took real news and perverted it.
I watched this happen on Facebook. I tried to get some help. But men were being manipulated at such an alarming rate, that women created a group of thousands of women called "Wives of Deplorables". I was absolutely floored. 30-40 year marriages were now ending. Engagements called off. Men were glued to Facebook to get the next hateful lie and the next.
So on it went...torquing up the millions of Facebook people to hate.
This is called PsyOps in the military. It's russia who has been doing it. As Nikita Chrustroff said..."they will take America from within".
And they have. They were doing this to get good people to participate in an insurrection.
I tried to warn people. To no avail.
I have been an Influencer on Twitter and watched this come together sadly.
Anyway, no one should feel isolated or lonely. And yet they do.
I adore men. They think logically and are amazing debaters. I love discussing any and all subjects with men and debating back and forth. I always have. Most women aren't interested.
A huge portion of my closet followers on Twitter and now Threads are men. And they have taught me, literally everything I know about government and politics. I knew nothing.
Lastly, when you know people on social media. People that have fought to protect our democracy like I have...you meet amazing people. And when you join in...it changes everything. I am an original Resister and I manage the entire East Coast...all the states for DemCastUSA. We help people campaigning get elected and a million other topics.
I am @jakki2004 on Twitter for as long as it lasts. And on Threads/Instagram as jakkit2004
If you like community...we need your help. We are also part of @TeamPelosi which has been an honor.
We are the first generation without a war, where men are drafted and serve. Thus giving of themselves to protect our country.
That single factor puts the focus outside of ourselves. We all must work together to save our country and bring our men home.
That is not the scenario we have now.
I grew up with my Dad working late and a million hours. My Mom took care of us when we were young. And then she worked with my Dad. They had an Agency...The Albee Trieber Company.
I'm not going to say this correctly...so I'm just going to say it. I didn't realize the burden that men traditionally carry on their shoulders as being the father, bread winner and the person the family looks to for a stable life.
I never realized the burden until I had peoples lives that depended on me for their livelihood. It rocked my world. Suddenly, I had the responsibility of providing jobs, a workplace and payroll...week after week. I couldn't sleep. I couldnt misstep. I couldnt screw up. Otherwise I will loose my company and more importantly the jobs for my employees. I never knew what my Dad went through Senator Murphy. I was never "the man". It changed the way I saw my father in a great many ways. Life is no longer a game when you have that level of pressure and responsibily.
Like the Military and the way they are acknowledged...I think men should be acknowledged for their contribution. Often a thankless one. My Dad used to say "You don't know what someone's life is like until you walk in their shoes". Honestly, they are big shoes to fill. Women do it. My Grandmother brought up 3 little girls after my Grandfather was gassed in WW1.
Everyone is angry. Marriages split apart. And lord knows we didn't need covid.
So what I think is needed is a new challenge for men. And women and kids.
Something that brings all of us together as a nation and offers a benefit to work toward.
It has to do with being able to work toward free Medical & Social Security...both really excellent instead of how mediocre it is now. And having money to retire on. And not having the fear that it won't be enough.
I created this type of plan during covid. Because much of our stress in this country is that each of us won't have enough. Thus the jealousy and hatred of the "other".
When there is MORE than enough...no one looks over their shoulder. No one feels threatened.
Because honestly, having us all pull together keeps men alive a whole heck of alot longer. And that's what we really want. Dads, Husbands, Spouces, GranDads that live a long time. Not stressed out or feeling like they worked their entire lives for nothing.
Senator Murphy...people need to be in charge of their fate. The harder they work they should see a benefit. Not get layed off because of age. That's corporate Americas greed right there. And it's wrong.
We can change all of this. With some creativity and planning. We can all fill needs in this country and benefit from every hour we put in.
I believe making everyone feel necessary will also reduce crime.
It's time we started acting like a huge family. To live with gratitude at how lucky we are to live in this country. To create something no one can take away. And no one is a threat. Immigrants only help all of us...not tax our resources. Because in order to benefit...they need to be participants. They only add to our numbers...and the more Americans...the better we all do.
I will call you tomorrow at your office to set up at time to sit down and discuss my plan, if you are interested.
You can also message me on Twitter @jakki2004 or Instagram/Threads jakkit2004
I feel where your heart is going Senator Murphy...and I agree with you. We all truly just want to be happy, healthy and live good lives. I want that for all of US too.
As a lifelong Democrat, I am appalled by the far left’s sanctimonious intolerance of heterosexual cisgender boys and men. It makes me want to leave the party. There is no mystery here. Boys and men in this demographic feel shitty because they are shitty. They are being told they are obsolete, outdated, racist, homophobic misogynists who cannot possibly have anything of value to contribute in our society because “their day is over”. It is tragic and disgusting that some of the loudest progressive voices in the Democratic Party feel they need to vilify one group to empower another. Thank you Senator, for having the political and moral courage to swim upstream and share your common sense and genuine concern.
And to address Ms. DeSilver’s comments below - helping boys and men feel valued will not negatively impact progress on LGBTQ rights or abortion rights, or any other rights. It is the job of our legislators to make all of our citizens lives better if they can (even men). Working with conservatives is not a crime - it is good government. Finding common ground is essential for a functioning legislature and perhaps it would happen more often, if our legislators could do it without being punished by their constituents.
Raising boys to be considerate, caring and creative is not the same thing as telling boys "they're shitty." This unnamed "sanctimonious intolerance" you speak of is a mystery to most: Mr. Murphy's wise understanding of the toxic nature of Charleston and January 6 is the point. Those men were told to be like that, to do those things: they learned them.
Raising boys to be fully human, in parity with girls, is the goal. Teach your children well, your father's hell, did slowly go by, as the poet said.
"But to deny the biological differences is a plan to fail when it comes to finding policies that help both men and women. We are different, and thus gender-blind policies won’t always work."
We are different, Senator. Which is why trans identified men and women cannot be perceived and treated as being no different from the sexes they are parodying in human society. Not in schools, sports, prisons, etc. Not anywhere. Someone else's rights will always be diminished. Or simply taken away. Gender identity ideology and evolutionary biology are irreconcilable. Our bodies are sexed. Sex cannot be changed.
I attended law school from 1970-73. Some of the most intelligent, outspoken and forceful students were women. At least one of them has risen to be the President of the American Bar Association. I saw something happening then and as the father of three women I have been seeing it develop as they fought their way in their respective fields to become successful. My daughters faced discrimination, harassment and people not taking them seriously in their endeavors. They don't see themselves as victims even though they have faced the same challenges that men and other women have encountered. I've known some men who haven't been able to adapt to cultural changes. Some of them act and speak like victims. I really don't know what the government can do. It has to start in the family and the community. I fear that government policies that focus on helping men may just make them even more alienated because they will have to admit that they need help and to accept it. Or even worse they will become dependent on government support. I have repeated over and over again to my daughters that their lives are a consequence of their actions. Hopefully that has made a lasting difference with them and their families.
It is appalling how often social psychology articles are not analytically rigorous. Consider this statement: According to a study on the State of American Men, two-thirds of men feel that “no one really knows me well,” and almost 30 percent reported not spending time with someone outside their household in the past week. .IS this different from "men" (ages?) 50 years ago? Women (ages)? today?
I do think there are issues for young men today... we need to focus on the 15-30 age group...but there is no evidence that it is "fear of females" paralyzing" them. YOur son seems grounded: we should continue to get more acceptances for females and LBGTQ members; half the country is NOT where you are on these subjects. AND we should explore--with good data and perceptive intuition ---what is really happening with young males today. I"m not qualified to comment on whether delaying kindergarten a year is worthwhile, but I reject the notion that "competing with females" is the cause of the problem. For example, young men have career options that pay well if you don't go to college (construction, plumbing, etc.) and which have only miniscule opportunities for women. Half the women college grads are employed at jobs - post graduation - which don't require a college degree; imagine what their choices would be without that degree. It is time to approach this topic with more rigor and across all socioeconomic groups. You are coming at this with a (unintentionally) narrow perspective. And finally, there have always been two career families, or one-career with the mother providing all support. They just weren't in YOUR socioeconomic vision.
Wow, talk about rush to judgment. Females in their youth get all the attention just by being female. Boys understand that they'll get nothing unless they somehow earn it.
As Chris Murphy makes abundantly clear the problem is a metaphysical crisis. No amount of material improvement will heal the gaping wound that endless striving,and hard work has not paid off in terms of a life worth living.
Women have now become the mercenaries,measuring men's worth by their earning power. Men despise that economy , something more than wealth has always been the goal for men. If women cannot at least acknowledge that lack, and understand that they were, for most men, the providers of transcendent value, we could see a hostile takeover led by dissatisfied men who mistake Trump's belligerent agenda for what they really want : wives and girlfriends who see them as loveable mates.
Seriously, Chris? You spend time worrying about the plight of boys and men when women are losing their bodily autonomy and self-determination all over the country; you write a Substack essay on this while democracy is under existential threat, books are banned, and the teaching of factual history is criminalized? You worry about male "instability" while LGBTQ citizens are being demonized and teens are prevented from receiving life-saving medical care? And your proposed solution is to partner with social conservatives, who have brought us to this point, because they might support increasing the minimum wage? I have been a supporter of yours for years. I will withhold support and give my financial support to organizations that support the concerns I have addressed above. To say I am shocked would be an understatement.
I felt as though Chris made it very clear that this is not a binary choice. I’ve rarely seen a politician works so hard for women’s reproductive rights and the LGBTQ community. He says very plainly that we will never go back. From an empirical perspective, he’s quite right that men are having a problem. I don’t see him suggesting that we should board the Trump Train. None of us would do that.
I hope you’ll join me and continuing to support him. (FYI, I’m retired and living on the West Coast. I have no dog in this fight. I just think that this is very high-level, next level, thinking. These are huge, cultural changes that should not be taken lightly. We have to determine ways to negotiate the changes.)
Hmm. I wonder whether one is a man or a woman dictates the reaction to Chris' essay. I would ask how does one consider one half of a whole? The yin-yang of it. One might start by considering as I do the phrase "women and children" and what it means when it is said that women and children are dying whereever that might be. It's horrible that women and children are dying. That men are dying can go unmentioned. Do you see the comparmentalization of thought there? My left hand is dying begs the question what is happening to the rest of the body. At least how I think of it.
Why should we care about the plight of men? “Haven’t men had enough focus already? Shouldn’t we fix problems for women and gay people before we go back to men again?”
Well, if you can’t care out of compassion for others, care out of enlightened self interest. To exaggerate the point in order to make the point, when women feel shitty about themselves, they develop an eating disorder. When men feel shitty about themselves, they pick up a lead pipe and go hit somebody with it. If ignored sufficiently, there is an element in society that will tear the whole thing down to revert to a more primitive state in which the physical strength of men is an advantage. Are we not already seeing this in the growing attraction to authoritarianism, not only in the US, but in the world at large? Senator Murphy is merely advocating for an early, proactive response to ensure we stay as far away from this outcome as possible.
Hmm. I wonder whether one is a man or a woman dictates the reaction to Chris' essay. I would ask how does one consider one half of a whole? The yin-yang of it. One might start by considering as I do the phrase "women and children" and what it means when it is said that women and children are dying whereever that might be. It's horrible that women and children are dying. That men are dying can go unmentioned. Do you see the comparmentalization of thought there? My left hand is dying begs the question what is happening to the rest of the body. At least how I think of it.
Dear Senator Murphy, In the long article in the NYT, it was noted that the book "The Dawn of Everything" was recommended. Based on this, I went back to reread the book. My take-away from my second reading of the book is that - things don't have to be this way. This opens a window to quite a lot some of which was covered in the NYT article and in your other recent articles. I would value your ongoing comments about the possibilities inherent in revisiting history and our limiting assumptions and reimagining solutions to our future directions both nationally and globally.
To win the coming election, we must work in the issues facing working class men order to put a dent in the double digit voting gap that Democrats face between working class male and female voters. I wrote a short google doc that addresses some of the difficulties that working class men and boys face using gender neutral messaging and policies.
I think this article is insightful and has some valid and urgent points to pursue, especially in relationship to the suicide rate among men increasing so dramatically. I am sorry that individual men don't have the resilience, mindfulness or courage to see themselves in a role different than their father and grandfather held. Life has evolved dramatically. Without learning self-confidence and self-worth as a child as a young man, I can see how boys can turn into the likes of the men we see everyday in this County as our "leaders." I wonder every day why a person, male or female, feels that by giving, helping, conceding, compromising with another person somehow diminishes their own self worth. 21st Century....
I appreciate your willingness to discuss this. We really cannot afford to NOT address this issue, not least because of all the guns in America and men's tendency to use them to great harm. There must be a possibility to create win-win situations, because happier and fulfilled men no doubt will contribute greatly to happier women AND a happier society.
I appreciate your thoughtful article. However churches, are often part of the problem. You will never be able to encourage "good" churches, there are too many of them and the human beings involved can be seriously flawed. What about requiring a year (or two) of national service for every high school graduate before college where they have to work together for a common good? This could be satisfied with military service or some new civilian program. Tuition assistance for college or tech school could be given upon completion. I don't know, it is a very complicated problem. I'm glad someone is thinking about it.
Thank you for this. You've identified several things here that have haunted me throughout my life. Of course there is more to each of us than the societal roles that have been placed in. A cookie cutter approach to understanding anything in human nature, or nature et al, is a mistake on its face. I would just add to what you've said by saying men AND women are more complex than our societal roles would lead you to believe and we ignore this at our own peril. The evidence is everywhere I look.
Did the data analyses referred to by Reeves take into account the homes from which the men he studied came? How many of them modeled their single breadwinner fathers, and how many came from either homes in which both parents worked or homes with a single, female, working parent? Or, from a home with a single, male, working parent? These different circumstances seem like they could be important covariates for measures of depression or ideation for suicide. What about physical and sexual abuse as additional covariates?
Reeves' suggestion that "Men can also find more identity through their work if we can shift our economy away from a short-term return, where people are viewed as “human capital,” and instead incentivize companies to invest in the long-term development and retention of their employees," is a good one, but we're talking about a complete rewiring of the US economy. It's pretty unlikely to happen in states that are lowering the ages at which children can be put to work. It seems like half the country would not countenance this kind of economic and social engineering (See 'Dismantling Iowa' by Marilynne Robinson in the November 2, 2023 issue of The New York Review).
I don't know what the answer is, but another idea would be to bring back something like the Civilian Conservation Corps to put young people to work in communities that need, say, social housing to be built. Or any other kind of development that is too expensive if done by the private sector. Some pilot projects trying out different ways of doing this might be a good place to start.
I truly wish we had more US Senators like you. Thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful comments. There's a lot to digest in your piece; however, the biggest take away for me is: "We need look no further than Charlottesville, January 6th, the prevalence of violence against women, and the rising threat of domestic extremism to see the potential consequences of allowing this resentment to fester." In conversations with friends over the years about women moving forward in our society we also touched briefly on the consequences to men, but you really brought the latter forward and shone light on it. We could never have predicted these consequences. Personally, I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment about loneliness and the need for community to nurture and further one's sense of identity -- and that agreement is based on my own experience/journey. And we need multiple communities -- not just one. I belong to two 12 step groups and have still found the need to seek other communities b/c 1 community cannot fill all my needs. Hope that makes sense. One other thought: I think we need (and I don't know how this happens) to be taught how to be a part of a community -- and in a healthy way. I'm not convinced that we all know how to do that -- or perhaps some have forgotten after immersion into the false sense of community that social media offers; or forgotten for other reasons; or have never really known how. Those of us who grew up with addiction only knew a fractured and dismembered model of community. Thank you so much to you and your wife for raising such a wise young man; and thank you for all you do in the Senate; in your communities; and for all Americans. I appreciate you to the very fullest.
Wise words🙏Some of this truly started with Facebook targeting men with Cambridge Analytica. They brainwashed people especially men. They started to plant fake news and it worked. I have much of it. I saw it coming.
Then they used Fox News to drive the wedge home.
Literally, before our eyes, news articles that were absolutely nothing, were altered to make it look like minorities were undermining everyone.
The one that comes to mind was: "Muslims at Starbucks Serve Feeces" in England.
Endulge me...you will see how stealth this actually is.
With very little research, it was in England. And it was some workers that happened to be Muslim. No one was served feeces. A water main pipe broke in London and a small amount of water was contaminated. None of it was at Starbucks.
But they took real news and perverted it.
I watched this happen on Facebook. I tried to get some help. But men were being manipulated at such an alarming rate, that women created a group of thousands of women called "Wives of Deplorables". I was absolutely floored. 30-40 year marriages were now ending. Engagements called off. Men were glued to Facebook to get the next hateful lie and the next.
So on it went...torquing up the millions of Facebook people to hate.
This is called PsyOps in the military. It's russia who has been doing it. As Nikita Chrustroff said..."they will take America from within".
And they have. They were doing this to get good people to participate in an insurrection.
I tried to warn people. To no avail.
I have been an Influencer on Twitter and watched this come together sadly.
Anyway, no one should feel isolated or lonely. And yet they do.
I adore men. They think logically and are amazing debaters. I love discussing any and all subjects with men and debating back and forth. I always have. Most women aren't interested.
A huge portion of my closet followers on Twitter and now Threads are men. And they have taught me, literally everything I know about government and politics. I knew nothing.
Lastly, when you know people on social media. People that have fought to protect our democracy like I have...you meet amazing people. And when you join in...it changes everything. I am an original Resister and I manage the entire East Coast...all the states for DemCastUSA. We help people campaigning get elected and a million other topics.
I am @jakki2004 on Twitter for as long as it lasts. And on Threads/Instagram as jakkit2004
If you like community...we need your help. We are also part of @TeamPelosi which has been an honor.
Namaste
We are the first generation without a war, where men are drafted and serve. Thus giving of themselves to protect our country.
That single factor puts the focus outside of ourselves. We all must work together to save our country and bring our men home.
That is not the scenario we have now.
I grew up with my Dad working late and a million hours. My Mom took care of us when we were young. And then she worked with my Dad. They had an Agency...The Albee Trieber Company.
I'm not going to say this correctly...so I'm just going to say it. I didn't realize the burden that men traditionally carry on their shoulders as being the father, bread winner and the person the family looks to for a stable life.
I never realized the burden until I had peoples lives that depended on me for their livelihood. It rocked my world. Suddenly, I had the responsibility of providing jobs, a workplace and payroll...week after week. I couldn't sleep. I couldnt misstep. I couldnt screw up. Otherwise I will loose my company and more importantly the jobs for my employees. I never knew what my Dad went through Senator Murphy. I was never "the man". It changed the way I saw my father in a great many ways. Life is no longer a game when you have that level of pressure and responsibily.
Like the Military and the way they are acknowledged...I think men should be acknowledged for their contribution. Often a thankless one. My Dad used to say "You don't know what someone's life is like until you walk in their shoes". Honestly, they are big shoes to fill. Women do it. My Grandmother brought up 3 little girls after my Grandfather was gassed in WW1.
Everyone is angry. Marriages split apart. And lord knows we didn't need covid.
So what I think is needed is a new challenge for men. And women and kids.
Something that brings all of us together as a nation and offers a benefit to work toward.
It has to do with being able to work toward free Medical & Social Security...both really excellent instead of how mediocre it is now. And having money to retire on. And not having the fear that it won't be enough.
I created this type of plan during covid. Because much of our stress in this country is that each of us won't have enough. Thus the jealousy and hatred of the "other".
When there is MORE than enough...no one looks over their shoulder. No one feels threatened.
Because honestly, having us all pull together keeps men alive a whole heck of alot longer. And that's what we really want. Dads, Husbands, Spouces, GranDads that live a long time. Not stressed out or feeling like they worked their entire lives for nothing.
Senator Murphy...people need to be in charge of their fate. The harder they work they should see a benefit. Not get layed off because of age. That's corporate Americas greed right there. And it's wrong.
We can change all of this. With some creativity and planning. We can all fill needs in this country and benefit from every hour we put in.
I believe making everyone feel necessary will also reduce crime.
It's time we started acting like a huge family. To live with gratitude at how lucky we are to live in this country. To create something no one can take away. And no one is a threat. Immigrants only help all of us...not tax our resources. Because in order to benefit...they need to be participants. They only add to our numbers...and the more Americans...the better we all do.
I will call you tomorrow at your office to set up at time to sit down and discuss my plan, if you are interested.
You can also message me on Twitter @jakki2004 or Instagram/Threads jakkit2004
I feel where your heart is going Senator Murphy...and I agree with you. We all truly just want to be happy, healthy and live good lives. I want that for all of US too.
Jakki T
you just brought tears to my eyes
As a lifelong Democrat, I am appalled by the far left’s sanctimonious intolerance of heterosexual cisgender boys and men. It makes me want to leave the party. There is no mystery here. Boys and men in this demographic feel shitty because they are shitty. They are being told they are obsolete, outdated, racist, homophobic misogynists who cannot possibly have anything of value to contribute in our society because “their day is over”. It is tragic and disgusting that some of the loudest progressive voices in the Democratic Party feel they need to vilify one group to empower another. Thank you Senator, for having the political and moral courage to swim upstream and share your common sense and genuine concern.
And to address Ms. DeSilver’s comments below - helping boys and men feel valued will not negatively impact progress on LGBTQ rights or abortion rights, or any other rights. It is the job of our legislators to make all of our citizens lives better if they can (even men). Working with conservatives is not a crime - it is good government. Finding common ground is essential for a functioning legislature and perhaps it would happen more often, if our legislators could do it without being punished by their constituents.
Raising boys to be considerate, caring and creative is not the same thing as telling boys "they're shitty." This unnamed "sanctimonious intolerance" you speak of is a mystery to most: Mr. Murphy's wise understanding of the toxic nature of Charleston and January 6 is the point. Those men were told to be like that, to do those things: they learned them.
Raising boys to be fully human, in parity with girls, is the goal. Teach your children well, your father's hell, did slowly go by, as the poet said.
"But to deny the biological differences is a plan to fail when it comes to finding policies that help both men and women. We are different, and thus gender-blind policies won’t always work."
We are different, Senator. Which is why trans identified men and women cannot be perceived and treated as being no different from the sexes they are parodying in human society. Not in schools, sports, prisons, etc. Not anywhere. Someone else's rights will always be diminished. Or simply taken away. Gender identity ideology and evolutionary biology are irreconcilable. Our bodies are sexed. Sex cannot be changed.
I attended law school from 1970-73. Some of the most intelligent, outspoken and forceful students were women. At least one of them has risen to be the President of the American Bar Association. I saw something happening then and as the father of three women I have been seeing it develop as they fought their way in their respective fields to become successful. My daughters faced discrimination, harassment and people not taking them seriously in their endeavors. They don't see themselves as victims even though they have faced the same challenges that men and other women have encountered. I've known some men who haven't been able to adapt to cultural changes. Some of them act and speak like victims. I really don't know what the government can do. It has to start in the family and the community. I fear that government policies that focus on helping men may just make them even more alienated because they will have to admit that they need help and to accept it. Or even worse they will become dependent on government support. I have repeated over and over again to my daughters that their lives are a consequence of their actions. Hopefully that has made a lasting difference with them and their families.
It is appalling how often social psychology articles are not analytically rigorous. Consider this statement: According to a study on the State of American Men, two-thirds of men feel that “no one really knows me well,” and almost 30 percent reported not spending time with someone outside their household in the past week. .IS this different from "men" (ages?) 50 years ago? Women (ages)? today?
I do think there are issues for young men today... we need to focus on the 15-30 age group...but there is no evidence that it is "fear of females" paralyzing" them. YOur son seems grounded: we should continue to get more acceptances for females and LBGTQ members; half the country is NOT where you are on these subjects. AND we should explore--with good data and perceptive intuition ---what is really happening with young males today. I"m not qualified to comment on whether delaying kindergarten a year is worthwhile, but I reject the notion that "competing with females" is the cause of the problem. For example, young men have career options that pay well if you don't go to college (construction, plumbing, etc.) and which have only miniscule opportunities for women. Half the women college grads are employed at jobs - post graduation - which don't require a college degree; imagine what their choices would be without that degree. It is time to approach this topic with more rigor and across all socioeconomic groups. You are coming at this with a (unintentionally) narrow perspective. And finally, there have always been two career families, or one-career with the mother providing all support. They just weren't in YOUR socioeconomic vision.
Wow, talk about rush to judgment. Females in their youth get all the attention just by being female. Boys understand that they'll get nothing unless they somehow earn it.
As Chris Murphy makes abundantly clear the problem is a metaphysical crisis. No amount of material improvement will heal the gaping wound that endless striving,and hard work has not paid off in terms of a life worth living.
Women have now become the mercenaries,measuring men's worth by their earning power. Men despise that economy , something more than wealth has always been the goal for men. If women cannot at least acknowledge that lack, and understand that they were, for most men, the providers of transcendent value, we could see a hostile takeover led by dissatisfied men who mistake Trump's belligerent agenda for what they really want : wives and girlfriends who see them as loveable mates.
Seriously, Chris? You spend time worrying about the plight of boys and men when women are losing their bodily autonomy and self-determination all over the country; you write a Substack essay on this while democracy is under existential threat, books are banned, and the teaching of factual history is criminalized? You worry about male "instability" while LGBTQ citizens are being demonized and teens are prevented from receiving life-saving medical care? And your proposed solution is to partner with social conservatives, who have brought us to this point, because they might support increasing the minimum wage? I have been a supporter of yours for years. I will withhold support and give my financial support to organizations that support the concerns I have addressed above. To say I am shocked would be an understatement.
I felt as though Chris made it very clear that this is not a binary choice. I’ve rarely seen a politician works so hard for women’s reproductive rights and the LGBTQ community. He says very plainly that we will never go back. From an empirical perspective, he’s quite right that men are having a problem. I don’t see him suggesting that we should board the Trump Train. None of us would do that.
I hope you’ll join me and continuing to support him. (FYI, I’m retired and living on the West Coast. I have no dog in this fight. I just think that this is very high-level, next level, thinking. These are huge, cultural changes that should not be taken lightly. We have to determine ways to negotiate the changes.)
Ah, this is all dated. But a thought. Compassion is not a zero-sum game.
Hmm. I wonder whether one is a man or a woman dictates the reaction to Chris' essay. I would ask how does one consider one half of a whole? The yin-yang of it. One might start by considering as I do the phrase "women and children" and what it means when it is said that women and children are dying whereever that might be. It's horrible that women and children are dying. That men are dying can go unmentioned. Do you see the comparmentalization of thought there? My left hand is dying begs the question what is happening to the rest of the body. At least how I think of it.
Why should we care about the plight of men? “Haven’t men had enough focus already? Shouldn’t we fix problems for women and gay people before we go back to men again?”
Well, if you can’t care out of compassion for others, care out of enlightened self interest. To exaggerate the point in order to make the point, when women feel shitty about themselves, they develop an eating disorder. When men feel shitty about themselves, they pick up a lead pipe and go hit somebody with it. If ignored sufficiently, there is an element in society that will tear the whole thing down to revert to a more primitive state in which the physical strength of men is an advantage. Are we not already seeing this in the growing attraction to authoritarianism, not only in the US, but in the world at large? Senator Murphy is merely advocating for an early, proactive response to ensure we stay as far away from this outcome as possible.
Hmm. I wonder whether one is a man or a woman dictates the reaction to Chris' essay. I would ask how does one consider one half of a whole? The yin-yang of it. One might start by considering as I do the phrase "women and children" and what it means when it is said that women and children are dying whereever that might be. It's horrible that women and children are dying. That men are dying can go unmentioned. Do you see the comparmentalization of thought there? My left hand is dying begs the question what is happening to the rest of the body. At least how I think of it.
Dear Senator Murphy, In the long article in the NYT, it was noted that the book "The Dawn of Everything" was recommended. Based on this, I went back to reread the book. My take-away from my second reading of the book is that - things don't have to be this way. This opens a window to quite a lot some of which was covered in the NYT article and in your other recent articles. I would value your ongoing comments about the possibilities inherent in revisiting history and our limiting assumptions and reimagining solutions to our future directions both nationally and globally.
To win the coming election, we must work in the issues facing working class men order to put a dent in the double digit voting gap that Democrats face between working class male and female voters. I wrote a short google doc that addresses some of the difficulties that working class men and boys face using gender neutral messaging and policies.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/15gdahMp2P-mdvnk2_uV1LkW3uSOKl4A1wP6zn_a3l3o/edit?usp=sharing
I think this article is insightful and has some valid and urgent points to pursue, especially in relationship to the suicide rate among men increasing so dramatically. I am sorry that individual men don't have the resilience, mindfulness or courage to see themselves in a role different than their father and grandfather held. Life has evolved dramatically. Without learning self-confidence and self-worth as a child as a young man, I can see how boys can turn into the likes of the men we see everyday in this County as our "leaders." I wonder every day why a person, male or female, feels that by giving, helping, conceding, compromising with another person somehow diminishes their own self worth. 21st Century....
Thank you for your courage to address this issue. Like Debbie below, I wish we had more politicians like you.
I appreciate your willingness to discuss this. We really cannot afford to NOT address this issue, not least because of all the guns in America and men's tendency to use them to great harm. There must be a possibility to create win-win situations, because happier and fulfilled men no doubt will contribute greatly to happier women AND a happier society.
I appreciate your thoughtful article. However churches, are often part of the problem. You will never be able to encourage "good" churches, there are too many of them and the human beings involved can be seriously flawed. What about requiring a year (or two) of national service for every high school graduate before college where they have to work together for a common good? This could be satisfied with military service or some new civilian program. Tuition assistance for college or tech school could be given upon completion. I don't know, it is a very complicated problem. I'm glad someone is thinking about it.
Thank you for this. You've identified several things here that have haunted me throughout my life. Of course there is more to each of us than the societal roles that have been placed in. A cookie cutter approach to understanding anything in human nature, or nature et al, is a mistake on its face. I would just add to what you've said by saying men AND women are more complex than our societal roles would lead you to believe and we ignore this at our own peril. The evidence is everywhere I look.
Did the data analyses referred to by Reeves take into account the homes from which the men he studied came? How many of them modeled their single breadwinner fathers, and how many came from either homes in which both parents worked or homes with a single, female, working parent? Or, from a home with a single, male, working parent? These different circumstances seem like they could be important covariates for measures of depression or ideation for suicide. What about physical and sexual abuse as additional covariates?
Reeves' suggestion that "Men can also find more identity through their work if we can shift our economy away from a short-term return, where people are viewed as “human capital,” and instead incentivize companies to invest in the long-term development and retention of their employees," is a good one, but we're talking about a complete rewiring of the US economy. It's pretty unlikely to happen in states that are lowering the ages at which children can be put to work. It seems like half the country would not countenance this kind of economic and social engineering (See 'Dismantling Iowa' by Marilynne Robinson in the November 2, 2023 issue of The New York Review).
I don't know what the answer is, but another idea would be to bring back something like the Civilian Conservation Corps to put young people to work in communities that need, say, social housing to be built. Or any other kind of development that is too expensive if done by the private sector. Some pilot projects trying out different ways of doing this might be a good place to start.